Be this my last day
To wander in beauty, oh
Please do not find me.
Dawn comes and trees stand
In eerie grey cloacks as if
Day 125, year 7
I think I am getting my memory back. And although I have hoped for this to happen since I first entered this realm, now I am not so sure anymore if I want to remember what is slowly revealing itself.
Day 130, Year 7
I fled another world and another time because I was accused of witchcraft. When I was closed in by my enemies and would surely have been brought to death, I scraped together my last remaining powers and created an escape. This realm was the result. I can never go back.
I have a new name too. It isn't the Lady of Balance anymore, it is the Infamous One.
Listen to the trees
They will tell you about things
That are lost for good.
Day 204, year 7
My name has been cleared. I am not guilty of treason. The reason for my de-knighting that was given however is not the right one. It's an excuse and a lie.
Day 234, year 7
I am often thinking of leaving this realm. It is too cruel for my taste.
Day 53, year 8
My only wish is that people could see me for what I am.
(Image may be subject to copyright. Read the note at the end of this page.).
Magistra will become the Silent One. She will not speak again, until somebody asks her to.
About dreams and dreaming
Hereby my personal vision on dreams and dreaming. It is a very complicated view and therefore hard to explain, especially in a foreign language. I’ll try to keep it as simple as I can.
As I told before, I am a Theosophist. Theosophy is a mixture of philosophy, religion and science. Theosophy believes that everything – except the one power – consists of seven layers or levels. The level on which we and our world are right now is the fourth, the most material level (level D). But this does not mean the levels are separated, they exist at the same time in the same space.
Till now we have been on the down curve – from At till D. From this moment on we will be climbing up again –from D till G. First we have found a form, the down curve, and now we will have to find our mind or spirit again.
Since this is the most material level, we possess only five senses at this point in our evolution. This has not always been so, and will change again in the future. Most of us humans know we use only a small part of our brain right now, this is one of the reasons why.
When we sleep, we are able to reach other levels, as our mind is not limited by our material surroundings then. For example our body, which Theosophy calls the vehicle. In our sleep our mind can travel to other, higher realms where no strict form is necessary.
My own, personal experience is that I am often at level E. Things look just as I remember, with some tiny differences though. I know the places, but just a little bit different. On this level things are bigger and more beautiful, more impressive. The people I meet I usually do not know, and they are wiser than I am.
This level has a beautiful symbolism. One of my most cherished dreams is from some 7 years ago, when I had been very ill too. Since I am an astrologer too, I knew that I was nearing the end of a very important astrological cycle. It was winter with a lot of snow and since I could hardly walk, I was a prisoner in my home. I had almost no money, a lot of debts, and I felt very, very miserable.
And then that dream. It was a few hours before the astrological cycle would end. I dreamt I was in Amsterdam, my own city. It looked like a very early Sunday morning, no traffic, no people, empty streets. I was standing on a corner with a suitcase but without any clothes on. I felt very helpless.
And then this girl came to me. I didn’t know her and she looked much younger than me, but at the same time very wise. She took me to her house and gave me a room but no clothes. She wasn’t very friendly and said I had to build a new life from now on.
When I woke up, I felt as if a burden had fallen from my shoulders. I started walking outside again and all my problems solved themselves.
I have always believed that this dream was indeed to stimulate me to do more and stop sitting on the couch, complaining. To make a fresh start. The empty city, the lack of clothes, with only a suitcase full of possibilities. Within three months I could run again. Within a year I had written and published my first novel. It is my belief that one of those wiser people made me see that.
Another dream I remember very well is about me sitting in one of the many rooms I lived in when I was a student. It was very tiny. And then a friend came to visit, and another and another, and before I knew the room was full. I was afraid we would suffocate, but then I noticed that the room grew bigger too. The dream ended with probably hundreds of people in my room, but at the same time the room had the size of a cathedral. Come to think of it, it looked a bit like Wind’s Sanctuary.
You’ll have noticed that in both dreams a room or house appears. This is a commonly accepted symbol of the self. In my dreams it seems the higher and yet undiscovered level (part of my self that I have not reached yet) is trying to make me see that I am capable of more than I think. That I have more possibilities. That I worry too much. In my dreams I am travelling to a higher realm where I get insights that I would never have “seen” in our material world.
I suppose it is possible to go back too, to a lower level (A, B or C). Maybe nightmares where one is hunted by spooky creatures is going back. Another possibility according to Theosophy is that while you are travelling between worlds (levels) and your mind leaves your body, other entities can enter it and cause these bad dreams.
Maybe you’ll find this paper too much OOC and too little MD. But I really didn’t know how I could translate my vision on the matter to MD-level.
Day 67, Year 8
As I happen to associate everything with colours - like numbers, music, abstract concepts etc. - this was a task that didn't give me too much trouble.
Golemus Golemicarum is grey. Grey because of the rocky character of the landscape, and grey because of the surrounding see, the slate of the water and the almost white of the waves. Grey because of the overcast sky and grey because of the science which is very important in Golemus Golemicarum. In my opinion science itself is not grey, but laboratoria and other places in which science is practised are. It should make a rather close-mouthed people (or peoples), that cares not much about feelings and values ratio and certain principles (like dedication and devotion to duty) more.It is a rigid land.
Loreroot is green. Green because of the many trees and grassy fields, green because of the filtered sunlight that gets a gold-green touch. Green because of the citizens, because I see them in green cloths, since they don't want to attract attention in the green landscape. Furthermore I associate the citizens of Loreroot with elfs, although I know they are not, and elfs I associate with green. And last but not least, green because of the jealousy, that thrives in this green land. Jealousy is often called the green-eyed monster.
Since nature is alive and thriving, the beings in this land are that too. They value the rhythm of nature and it may be therefore a part of them wants the night back. Since like summer is opposed to winter and white is opposed to dark, so should day be followed by night.
Marind Bell is yellow. Not only do I consider the citizens to be happy, cheerful and sun-loving people (look at nadrolski's avatar for instance), it is at most places an open land, in which sunbeams can touch the ground and everything on it. It is open too because the gates are and everybody is allowed in. Although this land has its secrets, the overall atmosphere is open, not clouded. Because of this openness Marind Bell has a binding role. In the Marble Dale park beings from all other lands come together to train and meet each other. It is a cheerful land.
Necrovion is black. It emanates darkness in many ways. The citizens seem to enjoy taints, as is expressed in the name of one of the alliances, the Tainted Warriors.
Another alliance occupies itself with the breeding of monstrosities and the mutating of species. Most beings feel a certain aversion to this kind of activities, but not the Necrovions. Azull once told me that the land attracted much beings who wanted to be bad.
Black is often associated with evil, but this is just half of the blackness Necrovion emanates. The land is black too. I have only been there once, when I played just two or three days, but I remember black pits, beings clad in black and black rock.
What are the Shades?
When I was discussing my analysis of Emerald Arcanix’ K-document “Are there shades in Marind’s Bell” with Princ Rhaegar, I told him that I thought everybody had a shade in him or her, but that it was up to us how much power we were willing to give it. A shade is a dark part of our mind or spirit.
In Marind’s Bell there are many stairs. One of the creatures is the little bird. All are reaching upward, and the Angiens, who live in Marind’s Bell, are supposed to be good (the good part of our mind or spirit?). Since the Shades are supposed to be their counterpart, they must be bad.
Because of all the things and creatures that reach upward, the people of Marind’s Bell are likely to try to be good. But no creature is only good. Sometimes one just wants to be bad. And when one as a good person is suppressing his or her bad feelings, one gives the shade power because everything one suppresses becomes bigger.
So I believe the Shades are our suppressed bad thoughts and feelings, escaped or released. They are not all bad, as nothing is all good. Destroying them would lead to a disturbance of the balance.
Symbolism of the four main lands
The four main lands together in my opinion form a human mind. In this paper I will explain why.
Our mind consists of all kinds of emotions and thoughts. Those feelings and thoughts form the basis for our actions. Some feelings are considered good, while others are considered bad. Some are rather instinctive and have to do with simply surviving or lust, while others are spiritual. Some thoughts are based on feelings, while others are strictly rational.
An earlier task was to give the four main lands each a colour. I shall use the same colours here to further clarify what I mean.
Marind’s Bell was the first land to open (Ann. 82 – [2007-10-23 – Alpha 4] Capital of Marind’s Bell is now open.) This main land represents the spiritual side of the mind. In Marind’s Bell are many stairs. In my opinion those stairs represent the reaching upward to the gods, whatever their names may be. One of its creatures is a bird, the Winderwild, who also reaches into the skies.
This reaching upwards has also to do with the notion ‘good’. I believe doing good or being good is the main goal of the Marind’s Bell citizens. This tendency to spirituality was indirect the reason I gave this main land the colour yellow, because in my opinion the sun is the most omnipotent here, and the reaching upward can also be seen as reaching for the sun as force of life and light. In a way this spirituality was the reason the Seekers of Enlightenment was established, in an attempt to understand and learn about the phenomenon of the Angiens. The similarity between angien and angel is obvious in my opinion. (Magic Duel Archives, Archives of Lands and Alliances, Marind’s Bell, Seekers of Enlightenment, The Foundation, by Chewett.)
Loreroot was the second land to open. (Ann. 90 - [2007-10-26 13:20:58 - Alpha 4]). A part of the meaning of this main land can be found in the name. Root represents earth and growth, and this main land is the most fertile of all. A large part of it is covered by trees. Although worship and spirituality can be found here too, the emphasis lies on basal, earthly things. The land has a practising druid. The word druid is related to the word for ‘oak’. Druids consider nature things as holy, like trees, plants, rivers, but also the sun, the moon and the stars. This could be one of the reasons why the Eclipse wants the night back. The second important part of the Lorerootian spirit exists of instincts and instinctive feelings as feeding, lust and mating. Look at the Water Being for instance, one of Loreroots creatures. It has the form of a very voluptuous female, while the Loreroot Archer has the form of a very attractive male. This also reflects the Lorerootian attention for sexual relationships.
In the past this had led to a lot of unwanted attention. It was very difficult (not to say impossible) to find documentation about this subject. It looks like all information had been swept carefully under the carpet. My reproduction of what happened is therefore mostly based on hearsay. When the Lorerootian profligacy was at its peak, some people protested. Their protests were recognized and this resulted in (Ann. 1259 – [2010-01-10 – 00:24:30 – Alpha 9]) and (Ann. 1260 - [2010-01-10 – 00:24:30 – Alpha 9]).
Some Lorerootians think that this reason is an excuse and I tend to agree with them. I don’t think this realm is an environment for children, and children who are old enough for this environment are old enough to read about those “things” too.
In the years that followed Loreroot and some Lorerootians became stereotype for all that was wrong with the realm. According to my theory these accusing people have an underdeveloped instinctive part.
I gave Loreroot the colour green, to symbolize the growth and lush vegetation.
Golemus Golemicarum** represents the logical mind. Here the mind is not distracted by feelings and emotions, but is ruled only by logic. Magic and science are very important here. See for example (p. 1-112 Adventure Log.) Golemus has the rarest creature there is in the realm, the Drachorn, in my opinion a symbol for the slightly elite way of magicians and scientists. The only thing that counts is using the mind to dedicate itself to magic and science, which on a basal level is the same thing.
In this respect one can consider the lighthouse. A lighthouse enlightens dark places (unknown magical and scientific areas) and can be considered as a reference to the Enlightenment, the historical period in which reason and logic became the most important indicators.
In my former paper I gave Golemus the colour grey, in the first place to symbolize the absence of distractions, and in the second place to reflect the colour of the surroundings, the sea and the rocks. It could have something to do with the fact that the brain is sometimes called “the grey matter”.
Necrovion** represents the dark side of our mind, our negative feelings and thoughts. (The two creatures available there are the Unholy Priest and the Tormented Soul.) Negative doesn’t necessarily mean bad. The Well of Tears symbolizes the fact that sadness – a completely normal human emotion - too is seen as a negative feeling.
Furthermore every being with a conscious mind sometimes wants to be bad. Sometimes you feel like snapping at somebody, although you know you shouldn’t. Point is that a great amount of people will suppress these feelings, like the citizens of Marind’s Bell in their striving to be good. In Necrovion these negative feelings and thoughts are not suppressed, but maybe even cultivated. A Necrovian I know* told me once that Necrovion is about the principle Entropy, (although the altar in Necrovion the Eternal Toiler gives Dark, Time and Transposition too) which too is a completely normal principle. Without Entropy no Syntropy, no Balance and no Cyclicity. In this respect Necrovion can be seen as the opposite of Loreroot, in which Syntropy (growth and new life) plays a big part.
I gave Necrovion the colour black, to symbolize the dark side of our mind, the dark arts and the Necrovian surroundings, in which black plays an important role.
So we have the positive/spiritual part, the negative part, the logical part and the instinctive part. I think these four elements together make a complete mind. Removing or destroying one of those four parts would severely destroy the balance and make a cripple mind. Let us for example remove the logical part. A person like that would not be able to think logically about the results of his actions and react primarily on its surroundings. A person with a very badly developed good part would easily be seduced to do really bad things, while somebody with an over-developed good part would be like Mother Theresa and deprive itself. A person without instincts would be prudish, restrained and very neurotic.
I’m in no way claiming to tell the truth, this is just my opinion.
*with thanks to lashtal
**Despite my efforts I haven’t been able to locate the exact opening dates of Golemus and Necrovion.
Golemus: (forum topic 769, Storyline, Wha is through the gate of ages, started 2007 – 10 – 23) gives the reactions on the Gate of Ages, which at that time isn’t open yet. Burns told me that the maze was there first though.
Necrovion: (Ann. 232 – [2008 – 01 – 31 02:38:54 – Alpha 5]) speaks about a path to Necrovion, so I assume that the land existed at that time.
The Seekers of Enlightenment started as a group of people who wanted to get to know the Angiens.The Angiens, beings who had lived in the ruins of the old city* forever.
There is much to learn about the Angiens, so much that it is an endless journey. Many people think of them as opposite to the shades, as angels versus demons. The name Angiens even sounds like angels, so therefore this way of thinking seems obvious.
At first I belonged to this group of people. Then slowly other thoughts trickled in. If they were angels, then why didn't they help against the shades? Angels are supposed to help, aren't they?
Comments on K-document
As a whole this essay seems very logical and well-founded to me, but there are some remarks and assumptions that need a closer look. 1.
My first remark is of psychological nature.
"The desire to hurt is born inside one’s soul, because only by hurting others will this soul be able to find a tainted form of peace. He will do to others what was done to him and so hatred will flow into him."
I certainly don't agree. Maybe in most of us, but certainly not in all. Some of the greatest beings had no hate in their soul, whatever was done to them. This seems an easy and generalizing remark.
The writer takes the Heretic Archer as an example of the tainted soul. But the Heretic Archer is certainly not the only inhabitant of Marind´s Bell. In one of my former essays I already stated that the inhabitants of Marind´s Bell seem to me very happy and cheerful beings. And it is indeed true that the people that inhibit a land define it. Furthermore: the gods that roam the sky certainly not roam only the sky above Marind´s Bell and have thus little to do with this subject.
"From the broken dales of its parks that resembles the broken spirits of its people to the still angiens around the wind;"
I really don´t understand this. I have roamed the land myself for quite some time now and wonder what the writer means by this broken dales of it parks. They must have escaped me ... Furthermore I don´t see the broken spirit of its people.
“The sentinels of forgotten time
Forever guard Marind’s chime
And wait for their true king to come
And end their awful curse.”
I certainly will not deny the fact that my knowledge is much less than that of the writer, but the rhyme at Wind´s Sanctuary has three lines and not four. I wonder where the fourth line comes from and why it is included here.
"Imagine Marind´s Bell is like a human mind, a mind that is now broken, filled with despair and pain, pain for what it once was and its now lost. Why are the dales broken? Because of wars some will say. Because those dales represent the broken mind and spirit of the land seems more close to the truth. There was no war inside Marind´s Bell, at least no war fought with swords and cold iron but fight to regain its own self, to brake and inner the hatred."
I like the comparison with a human mind. But the land is just too soft and mellow to harbour so much hate as the writer wants us to believe. There are too many beautiful places which are not rough or inhospitable, but lovely and hospitable. I get the feeling that the writer wants us to believe that the land is one big pool of hate and drags arguments into the discussion that really hold no ground or are exaggerated.
I believe there is hate in the land. I will not challenge the fact that the hate and despair are shades of the mind. But certainly not in the extent the writer would like us to believe.