Where great wars have been fought and conquests claimed, there has always been the tea lady pushing the trolley behind. With a cup of Darjeeling and a custard cream to keep up the sugar levels, Eliza Te Chai comes from an ancient line of such catering staff, sworn to uphold the noble tradition of toasted crumpet buttering and tea leaf straining. Certainly she might be getting on a bit. She might mistake socks for teabags and have her quirks and enchanted body parts, but her heart’s in the right place, snug in the middle of an apple cream puff.