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I Remeber

<< Back By Deon Selco
I remember a time when the sun was not forever beating on my back. Yet it seems like all Ive known in...I suppose what one may call a life, at least whatever constitutes as a life here, is one filled with a damning glare forever in my eyes. A life without change, without time, without true meaning. Part of me wonders if this is purgatory, some sort of twisted reward for a deed done in whatever life I lived before this. Its funny...all of it really...I mean, such peace and serenity...such...bliss as it were...well...its damning to me. I remember a time...no, I remember a few times, a few...fragments of these other people. There not me...yet they are me. They ebb and the flow like a tide. The memories and personality\'s can come as quickly as a zephyr, and as silently as a snowflake. Sometimes they last for only an instant like a summer storm, and at other times...well...I\'m sure you get the idea. Perhaps I am simply one of these fragments myself...and as I muse this I wonder if the last word will be by myself, or if it will end in some other tone. Part of me begs the question if I do this myself...if these are all simply sides of myself that I bring out at will, at least on a subconscious side. Another wonders if there simply embodiments of ideals and principles or maybe emotions I had back when...back before this hell. Then of course theres the part of me that doesn\'t give a damn...generally that side wins out. I honestly don\'t know myself at all. I remember... I remember back when I began this little rant, this little grasp at sanity, this small attempt to comfort myself. Good times. Fun times. Amusing times. It was a time when we really got to know each other, do you remember? I do. Sort of...Though it doesn\'t really matter. No not at all, not one bit. What does matter are a very few things. The first and most important thing I suppose is my name, I haven\'t told you that have I? No, no I haven\'t, Its Deon Selco, of course no one actually named me that, at least no one that I can remember. Its one of those little...remnants from another life. Like it? I do. I love it allot. Moving on? Of course were moving on, were always moving ahead, moving forward, achieving something and I suppose what you wish to achieve now is information. So moving along another piece of important information, I have rather...nimble fingers as well as I believe the disorder is called...selective kleptomania. But how can it be selective you ask? Well the disorder comes in whenever something gold or shiny or valuable comes into eyesight. Its very very very selective...after all I wouldn\'t steal some worthless trinket from your dead mother, but...I may have to take that shiny bauble that may fetch a pretty penny. I know its not right, but I t will teach you to keep things out of reach. Now then What else is important? I cant...I cant quite place anything else, as I was saying my mind is abit jumbled. Abit thrown together too quickly with a few too many cracks not patched up properly. And... And... And I think you should know that I also steal for sport. Mostly for sport in fact, simply because valuables will be stolen or taken back rather forcefully. That and of course I don\'t like having too much of a negative light shown upon my image. After all I\'m generally not taking anything anyone will miss, or at least anything anyone earned honestly. And I only need enough to afford a few simple vices...drinks...decent clothing...a small flat somewhere...you know, the basics. In fact happiness is really just a nice bottle of wine by a small fireplace with some beautiful woman by my side...I have a few fond memories of times like that. Of course, I wont indulge you, some things should be kept private, no? Yes, yes they should. Ive done a few things I know of, fragments mind you, that I am not too proud of myself of doing, but that is everyone. Everyone has demons and monsters within them Pieces that they don\'t care for, and I myself am no different at all. I of course remember a time when... I remember a time...a time when there wasn\'t eternal light. Its a fleeting pleasant memory in passing, one I can feel on the edge of my flesh...I believe the cool embrace was called night...I remember...and I believe that it needs to return. And perhaps...perhaps if there can be a balance between the burning light of day and the drowning cold of night...I may find a balance in myself and these fragments. Or...At least... I may remeber more.
 
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