| Regeneration : |
10 |
| Energetic immunity : |
25 |
| Trade sense : |
12 |
| Briskness : |
20 |
| Initiative : |
5 |
| Defence : |
28 |
| Attack : |
48 |
| Power : |
9 |
| Luck : |
3 |
| Volition : |
17 |
| Cartography : |
5 |
| Herbalism : |
0 |
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| Principle of Light |
= 109 |
| Principle of Imagination |
= 88 |
| Time Principle |
= 102 |
| Element Principle |
= 23 |
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Loading human character...
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Me_____________________________________________________
Who am I? - Who do I want to be?
What am I? - What do I seem to be?
Where do I come from? - Whence do I remember?
Where do I go? - Where can I imagine?
As I woke up, there was nothing.
Nothing - and all.
My mind was nebulous, every single thought a flash,
like an absurd choreography of an crazy artist.
All ideas twirled through my brain,
here a picture, there a memory, there a cut.
I felt, as if I had slept for a long, long time.
This was me.
Yes, this is me.
I remember my life.
Not everything, but single scenes come to my mind like splints of a wild pattern.
I remember..
..my sheltered childhood in that old, old house..
..ivy entwinded along the walls..
..air, filled with sun and warmth, dust and the smell of grass..
..the old lime in the middle of the court with the wooden bank beneath..
..my older sister and me, playing in the flower-decked garden..
..the birth of my younger sisters..
..holding them in my arms..
I remember the day, when my parents broke up..
..my sisters and me seperated..
..my arrival in a new, strange place, that I used to call "home"..
I remember this new place..
..sunfilled air also here, flowers and butterflies and a smell of earth and fresh baked bread..
..but always a coldness everywhere..
..and inside..
..I always was cold..
..my mom, the spring of the warmth so far, far away..
I remember my epitaxial growth in this place..
..the new children..
..the first time, that I thought, I was different..
..I am different..
I remember the day, when I left my parents, my sisters, my "two homes"..
..to live rough..
..to live on the streets..
..to live on my own..
..a life on the edge of circle..
..a life in dust, dirt and pain..
..people around me, who had been there before..
..the same way than me..
..different, but somehow the same..
..living in a group of many people..
..feeling alone..
..always..
..to get awake in the morning, unaware of where to sleep the next night..
..unaware of what or even if to eat this day..
..a life of many limitations..
..a life of an unimaginable freedom..
..no rules, no laws..
..the whole world, my new home..
..everywhere and nowhere..
I remember days in summer and spring..
..wild festivals, wild music, wild dance..
..romantic campfires and nights under the stars..
..swimming naked in moonlit waters..
..a fulfilled life of extremes in every way..
..everything took with me, nothing left..
I remember my travelling through the world..
..today here, tomorrow there..
..just as it came to my mind..
..no single dollar in my pocket and I set forth..
..everything I had, I took with me..
..there was no home to lock up..
..no flowers to water..
..no letterbox to empty..
..freedom..
..I was free..
..to go, wherever I wanted to go..
..to stay, how long I ever wanted to stay..
..in every place..
..here, there, everywhere..
I remember the days, when the first snow fell down..
..days of darkness and coldness..
..no home, no roof to stand under, no stove to warm-up..
..nights in old, condemned buildings with no glass in the windows, no electricity..
..days and nights in coldness..
..days and nights in snow..
..getting warmth by closing ranks and heatfilled imaginations..
I remember my growth in this life..
..my adaption..
..life without any rules..
..except the rules of the street..
..getting strong in my mind..
..my body - lean and depleted indeed - but strong, dogged..
I remember the things, I learned..
..the importance and nonsense of friendship..
..sink or swim..
..everybody is next to himself..
..no charity..
..no weakness..
..great knowledge of human nature..
..nothing strange to me..
..no human impulse, that I couldn´t imagine..
..or accept..
I remember the days, that I was hunted by law protectors..
..hunted by people, who despises my way of life..
..days of being lampooned..
..disdainful eyeballed by the people, who lived in a "normal" way..
I remember their glances..
..condescending..
..ashamed..
..in disgust..
..sometimes also in awe..
..impressed..
..amazed..
I remember days in hunger..
..weeks..
..no bread, no soup, no meat..
..nothing..
..an empty hole in the stomach..
..more empty in the heart..
I remember the day, when an old man sat next to me,
just down on the earth..
..talking with me..
..filling my ahungered heart with warmth..
..by being interested in me..
..by spending time with me..
..by holding my cold little hand for a while..
I remember the day, when a woman came to me..
..saying no many words..
..giving me a warm, handmade blanket of whool..
I remember the day, when a baker came out of his shop..
..giving me a fresh-baked roll, filled with sweet raisins..
..a warm cup of tea..
Oh dear..
Oh life..
I remember so many things..
This was me.
Yes, this is me.
Still.
I remember the day, that I opened my eyes..
..finding myself in a strange, new place..
..magical..
..mysterious..
A land of beauty and secrets.
I remember a carnival..
This is me.
Yes, this is me.
Still.
Now.
I´m walking through that new land,
filling my heart with warmth and beauty, as futile and small it could be..
..absorb it..
..drink it..
..being fulfilled with it..
I feel, as I become a whole person.
I feel the ice around my heart slowly melting away.
I feel, as I am new-born.
I am new in this land.
I am new in my life.
This is me.
Yes, this is me.
Now.
_____________________________________________________ LibertyThe fiery mountains answer each other;
Their thunderings are echoed from zone to zone;
The temptestuous oceans awake one another,
And the ice-rocks are shaken round Winter´s throne,
When the clarion of the Typhoon is blown.
From a single cloud the lightening flashes,
Whilst a thousand isles are illumined around,
Earthquake is trampling one city to ashes,
An hundred are shuddering and tottering; the sound
Is bellowing underground.
But keener thy gaze than the lightening´s glare,
And swifter thy step than the earthquake´s tramp;
Thou deafenest the rage of the ocean; thy stare
Makes blind the volcanoes; the sun´s bright lamp
To thine is a fen-fire damp.
From billow and mountain and exhalation
The sunlight is darted through vapour and blast;
From spirit to spirit, from nation to nation,
From city to hamlet thy dawning is cast, -
And tyrants and slaves are like shadows at night
In the van of the morning light.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
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| Page 412 - The Inner Sun - Am., Kal. |
| Amoran watches silently as Kalamanira walks to stand near the tree, her tree. “No longer are we one, Amoran… we have separate bodies, minds, ideas… I see this now.” Amoran walks to her own tree and feels it move in response to her presence and touch. She looks toward Kalamanira and hears the truth in her words. “Yes, we walk different paths.” ... |
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