What stair was my choise? Marind's Marble Stairs. A place serene and full of beauty when first i've seen it. But what can a blind man see? Above the twin majestic pillars Light and Shadow stand watching, ready to tear my soul apart at the first step i took toward redemption. But it is redemption what i shall find? None can see what awaits at the end of the stair. Like a warning the stairs reach ever higher behind the eyes of my tormented soul. What shall i find at the end, redemption or damnation? A blind man i was before i took the first step, the first stair, and pain opened my eyes. The twisted and contorted bodies of my thoughts screamed in agony. Bleeding memories were drowning in liquefied pain cursing throw my soul. From the deep recesses of my mind horrors poured unto my being. I've seen my body on a field of battle, the warm blood of my enemies fill my senses with extasy. At my feet looking up stood a mutilated reflection of....myself. Everybody on the field of battle, ally and enemy alike wore my face.
A second step, the second stair. My eyes opened a bit more and i've seen...the bell of light, eternal sun, warming my body and infusing my soul with hope. The taste of the lady's bug last kiss memory is born unto my lips. It tastes of wind and salted water. It tastes of freedom. The feathers whisper in my soul tales of wonder and of beauty, tales of greatness. Yet chained i remain.
The stairs away their pray to torment. Another step, another stair, another trial. A kiss is waring with despair. Freedom is joined in battle against agony. The pillars have hands that are tearing me apart. The war wages on and my broken body, mind and soul are the fields of battle. All i can do is watch as my madness, fear, blindness battle on against hope, courage, determination. I see now that there is a hint of true darkness, madness and evil inside me, but also good, the power to surpass my former self. Destroyer and messiah of my own being. A damned and divine soul.
I know not what awaits me at the end, but more stairs rise in front of me and i shall climb them, all of them, until in the end the broken peaces of my soul will cover this stairs or i shall rise above them, conquering the trials, conquering my self. What form will i take, into what shall i be born?
Chapter IIThe Stair of Madness
They say every pilgrimage begins with a single step, every
war begins with a single fired bullet, a great cathedral with a single stone
trown into the fundation. If everything begins so easy, how did madnes was born into
me. What action defined its shape, what thought was his cradle, what memory his
seed. My mind became an uterus and the abys is growing inside it. I should run
away, I should hide and cry for help, I should fight. I am filled with thoughts
that look at me with blood infused eyes, poised to strike, howling, fangs and
claws tearing at my sanity. I should feel fear. I plunge into my abys. The
strings of sanity give way one by one. I
can see deep inside the worms devouring my self, a festering self. The graves
are open and demons rise.
Darkenss covers me, its filling me inside, a black
night devoures all. I should feel fear, I should cry for help. The embrace of
the darkness its like the embrace of a lover, its worn and comforting, makes
pleasure cusing throw my veins. Come to me my demons, came to me my darkness,
came to me my lover. I am yours. The sweet blood of madnes virginity is
covering my inner self. It filles my senses, burns my skin, I hear its
promising wispers of pleasure, its smell is intoxicating and blood never looks
better then now, on my skin and lips. How can soo my pleasure be called madnes?
How can you try and take it away from me? I have seen then my self, my other
self, remnants of a past life trying to fight its way to my lover and take her
away from me. I put him cains to see me make love with madnes, maybe he will
understabd but he did not. i look deep into his eyes, my eyes, as I plunged the
sword of madnes into his heart, my heart. Blood poored forth, sweet, exciting
blood. Madnes is my lover and blood is our afrodisiac. The next pleasure
awaits.
Chapter IIIStair of longing
Cold
nights, nights of lonlynes and desire…desire to feel the soft skin under my
fingeres, the intoxicating and full of
promises smell of a woman, the soft hair with its own symphony of flavors…the
sweet taste of a woman, soft and warm…a soft breath on my skin, te sensation of
her warm body on my skin to tell me goodnight, or a wisper born on the waves of
her skin on her pilgrimage to my lips promising a night full of stars.
Thoughts
like this came to leave a tributeto my tortured soul…every thought like an iron
reded in fire to make a new stigma, every thought brings a new sweet and
alluring torture, the night is cold and naked, no stars, no blink of hope. The
bed is a big empty island in a sea of loneliness and the blankets are just waves
crashing upon me…she, warm and silken just beyond my reach…just beyond the horizont.
When did I lose myself in her? Something
so small as a Lady Bug has became my blessing and my curse.