To those that I hate, and you know who you are....
I hope you choke on your morning coffee and set yourself on fire with your fag. That would be lovely.
To all the others, here's something you can try to get people to hate you...
Ways To Annoy People
- Reply to everything someone says with
"that's what YOU think."
- Declare your apartment an
independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating
your airspace".
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying
everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs
up.
- Disassemble your pen and
"accidently" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Ways To Order A Pizza
Order a Big
Mac Extra Value Meal.
Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise
me!" and hang up.
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other
line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
Ask to see a menu.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza
Ask what the pizza place's phone number is. Hang up, and
call again.
Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his
supervisor he's fired.
If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right,
say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
Put them on hold.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is
repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't
get it, do you?"
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order
taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
Lessons I've learned...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them
and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, some are abusing the privilege.
Some people should not be allowed to breed.
Children's Books You'll Never See
"You Were an Accident"
"The Kids' Guide to
Hitchhiking"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"The Pop-up Book of Human
Anatomy"
"Controlling the Playground:
Respect through Fear"
"What Is That Dog Doing to
That Other Dog?"